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October 23, 2011
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Spin, whirl, spin.
The room is all a blur,  
Colors blend like a mosaic
As I spin.

Turn, twist, turn.
My foot traces squiggles
On the wooden desk
Where I turn.

Topple, stumble, topple.
I cannot keep my balance.
I begin to lean
And I topple.

Roll, slide, roll.
I twirl no more.
Pick me up
And spin me again.
:iconphoenixscribe:
Not my best work, but I was supposed to write a poem about a toy. I happen to love tops(and slinkys, but I saw the top first), so I wrote this little scrap.
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:iconbookloverblue:
*bookloverblue Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a good poem. I like the alliterative structure and its swift tone.

Personally, when I was reading it, I felt that the third and fourth stanzas came across as a metaphor for the struggles that people face in real life, and how we need to get up and face them...
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:iconphoenixscribe:
~PhoenixScribe Mar 12, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much for your kind words! I hadn't thought of it that way; I was being a realist, but I really like the view you took of it. I certainly see how that fits. I'm glad you liked it!
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:iconbookloverblue:
*bookloverblue Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
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:icondarkmysticrose:
~DarkMysticRose Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love how you've personified the top! It's so simple yet gorgeously written and I feel as if I am the top, spinning and spinning around.=D The ending is so cute! Now I wanna play dradle. XD
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:iconphoenixscribe:
~PhoenixScribe Oct 23, 2012  Student Writer
:D Thanks! I literally personify eveything. It's just the way my mind works.
Glad you like it!
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:iconredsreddie:
~RedsReddie Oct 26, 2011  Hobbyist
I like the end "Pick me up And spin me again." It's so simple - not that I could successfully write any sort of lyric myself and therefore I am not able to properly judge a piece by calling it simple or not - but it could hold more than one meaning. I'd elaborate on that, but words aren't my strong suit. ;P

I like this. You should keep these coming.
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:iconphoenixscribe:
~PhoenixScribe Oct 26, 2011  Student Writer
Wow, thanks. I honestly thought this one was pretty crappy. You make it sound better. :)
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