Journals76
Newest
Poetry
1 min read
As you know, I've been going through a really rough time, but I'm also doing extremely well. I've been going back through some of my old work and I've found a lot of poetry that I just--don't recall. I know that in the middle of my darkest times I repressed a lot of things that have made their way to the surface as I've been able to deal with them. Apparently during my repression I also created a small number of very emotional poems, so I have a small backlog that I will be uploading over the next few weeks.
Kind of interesting. Especially considering how far I've come in my healing just in the last 7 months. I hope you enjoy the little things though. Some of them are very raw, very real, very open.
Love you all, my faithful watchers.
Phoenix
Kind of interesting. Especially considering how far I've come in my healing just in the last 7 months. I hope you enjoy the little things though. Some of them are very raw, very real, very open.
Love you all, my faithful watchers.
Phoenix
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Nothing but Ashes
2 min read
I'm going through a divorce. I've been separated from my husband since early March, but because of citizenship laws, I was only able to file 3 days ago. He should be served the papers either today or tomorrow...
I do not write poetry. Poetry, for me, is what happens when too much emotion builds up and it finally releases in a spew of word vomit. Poetry for me is overflow. An accident. A reflex. And it's been happening a lot lately.
On the other hand, with this separation and me not being able to find a new job yet, I have also made a lot of progress on my current novel.
No one should have to go through what I've gone through, but, as I've already learned, so many people have. When you accidentally bind yourself to someone who suffers from narcissism, the only thing to do is to take a knife and cut yourself free. And that hurts. Unimaginably. But at least I know this pain has a purpose.
The Phoenix has always resonated with me, and now I understand. Everything is burning. Pretty soon I'll be left with nothing but ashes. But I'm looking forward to what comes after that.
Phoenix
I do not write poetry. Poetry, for me, is what happens when too much emotion builds up and it finally releases in a spew of word vomit. Poetry for me is overflow. An accident. A reflex. And it's been happening a lot lately.
On the other hand, with this separation and me not being able to find a new job yet, I have also made a lot of progress on my current novel.
No one should have to go through what I've gone through, but, as I've already learned, so many people have. When you accidentally bind yourself to someone who suffers from narcissism, the only thing to do is to take a knife and cut yourself free. And that hurts. Unimaginably. But at least I know this pain has a purpose.
The Phoenix has always resonated with me, and now I understand. Everything is burning. Pretty soon I'll be left with nothing but ashes. But I'm looking forward to what comes after that.
Phoenix
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Revisions
2 min read
I'm thinking of going a different direction with the Journal of Malin than I have been. I've also been thinking of scrapping it altogether and doing something different. I'm aware that because of my inactivity I've lost a lot of my viewers, but I wanted to reach out anyway and see what everyone else thought.
The revisions would take the story out of Malin's journal and put the story in first person instead. Where the story would end up leading just wouldn't work in journal form very well nor would it make sense for her to be writing about it.
If I scrapped it I would provide another story centering around Seiya but Malin would not be in it.
I'll leave this up here for a little while before I make a final decision. Also, I hope yall had a great Valentine's Day, whether you spent it with someone or not. And if you are single and didn't do anything, if you find yourself alone next year TREAT YO-SELF! You deserve it. Get yourself some chocolate, buy yourself a little gift. That's what I did as a single, and that's what I suggest to all my single buddies. You deserve it!
All the best,
Phoenix
The revisions would take the story out of Malin's journal and put the story in first person instead. Where the story would end up leading just wouldn't work in journal form very well nor would it make sense for her to be writing about it.
If I scrapped it I would provide another story centering around Seiya but Malin would not be in it.
I'll leave this up here for a little while before I make a final decision. Also, I hope yall had a great Valentine's Day, whether you spent it with someone or not. And if you are single and didn't do anything, if you find yourself alone next year TREAT YO-SELF! You deserve it. Get yourself some chocolate, buy yourself a little gift. That's what I did as a single, and that's what I suggest to all my single buddies. You deserve it!
All the best,
Phoenix
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Just Keep Swimming
3 min read
I bet a lot of people have stopped watching me due to inactivity (on one side or the other), but that's ok. I just kinda needed to chat.
I've been working a lot on my novel Haze: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished. It's been finished several times, and now I'm going back through and converting it all into first person from third. It's good. Sometimes difficult. I desperately want to get that thing off my lap and into an editor's. I seem to have a problem finishing things. I've been writing for 11 years and I've yet to finish anything other than a handful of short stories. That bothers me.
In my last post I told you I was engaged. Married life is amazing. I love my husband and living with him has been a whole new world. (A world filled with underwear on the floor and capless toothpaste tubes, but a wonderful world nonetheless.) But it's also been hard. Very, very hard. I moved to North Carolina with Hubby away from my job, family, friends, and whole life in Arkansas. Homesickness had me shot for six months. And on top of that my husband developed a panic and anxiety disorder very early on in our relationship. It was terribly hard on both of us. Both anxiety and homesickness more under control now, we are trying to learn and grow like any young, new couple, but the struggles do remain, and I am a long way from my old home.
I am currently working at a temp agency, but I consider myself between jobs. Am I the only one who feels lied to by professors and mentors assuring me that my major is highly marketable? That everyone will need what I have to offer? That I would never want for employment? I've been looking for a job for nine months. And all I seem desirable to is receptionist desks and restaurant grills.
I'm tired. I'm weary. I'm protecting my spark so that it won't die. For all of you out there like me right now, for those of us looking for the spot in life we know in our hearts is ours, don't let the spark die. We can do it. It's what we've been waiting and training for all this time. Fight for your passion. If you don't love it enough to fight for it, you don't love it. I'm going to keep fighting until I get where I'm going, no matter how long it takes to get there.
I've been working a lot on my novel Haze: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished. It's been finished several times, and now I'm going back through and converting it all into first person from third. It's good. Sometimes difficult. I desperately want to get that thing off my lap and into an editor's. I seem to have a problem finishing things. I've been writing for 11 years and I've yet to finish anything other than a handful of short stories. That bothers me.
In my last post I told you I was engaged. Married life is amazing. I love my husband and living with him has been a whole new world. (A world filled with underwear on the floor and capless toothpaste tubes, but a wonderful world nonetheless.) But it's also been hard. Very, very hard. I moved to North Carolina with Hubby away from my job, family, friends, and whole life in Arkansas. Homesickness had me shot for six months. And on top of that my husband developed a panic and anxiety disorder very early on in our relationship. It was terribly hard on both of us. Both anxiety and homesickness more under control now, we are trying to learn and grow like any young, new couple, but the struggles do remain, and I am a long way from my old home.
I am currently working at a temp agency, but I consider myself between jobs. Am I the only one who feels lied to by professors and mentors assuring me that my major is highly marketable? That everyone will need what I have to offer? That I would never want for employment? I've been looking for a job for nine months. And all I seem desirable to is receptionist desks and restaurant grills.
I'm tired. I'm weary. I'm protecting my spark so that it won't die. For all of you out there like me right now, for those of us looking for the spot in life we know in our hearts is ours, don't let the spark die. We can do it. It's what we've been waiting and training for all this time. Fight for your passion. If you don't love it enough to fight for it, you don't love it. I'm going to keep fighting until I get where I'm going, no matter how long it takes to get there.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
The Mockingbird and the Cardinal
2 min read
I know it looks like I've died. I know it looks like I've stopped DeviantArting. I know it looks like I've stopped writing.
But I can explain.
Ok, yes, essentially I have stopped DeviantArting and writing but not for good and not on purpose. You see what happened was 8 months ago I met this man. Then 7 months ago we started dating. Then 1 month ago he gave me this really friggin shiny rock. And in 4 months 26 days 20 hours I am going to marry him.
I'm engaged! I have only written a couple of times since meeting him but that's mostly because every spare minute I have I want to spend with his adorkable face. My writing may be going a lot slower (yes understatement of the year) but I'm still working on it and still trying to pursue it. There are just a lot of changes going on in my life right now.
See, he lives in North Carolina and I live in Arkansas, which already makes things a little difficult. The moment we saw each other we knew one or both of us was going to have to do something very painful: uproot. Recently, it was decided that I would be the one moving, so in addition to making wedding preparations I'm also preparing to move to a different state and find a new job.
That's what's been going on. Just thought I'd update ya'll before I got into some of my rare and elusive writing time.
Okay. Love you. Miss you guys. Laters.
Phoenix
But I can explain.
Ok, yes, essentially I have stopped DeviantArting and writing but not for good and not on purpose. You see what happened was 8 months ago I met this man. Then 7 months ago we started dating. Then 1 month ago he gave me this really friggin shiny rock. And in 4 months 26 days 20 hours I am going to marry him.
I'm engaged! I have only written a couple of times since meeting him but that's mostly because every spare minute I have I want to spend with his adorkable face. My writing may be going a lot slower (yes understatement of the year) but I'm still working on it and still trying to pursue it. There are just a lot of changes going on in my life right now.
See, he lives in North Carolina and I live in Arkansas, which already makes things a little difficult. The moment we saw each other we knew one or both of us was going to have to do something very painful: uproot. Recently, it was decided that I would be the one moving, so in addition to making wedding preparations I'm also preparing to move to a different state and find a new job.
That's what's been going on. Just thought I'd update ya'll before I got into some of my rare and elusive writing time.
Okay. Love you. Miss you guys. Laters.
Phoenix
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In